Hey guys, I recently participated in a blog swap hosted by 20-Something Bloggers where two bloggers cross post on each other’s sites. My swapee? The wonderful Kat Richter. She’s got a great dating blog out in Philadelphia and I wrote a guest post for her called: 6 Thoughts on Online Dating from a Guy’s Perspective. Hope you enjoy Kat’s guest post! – Jason
Before we get started, I need to let you in on a little secret: my name is Kat Richter, I’m a Philadelphia-based serial dater (amongst other things) and I don’t actually know the first thing about kicking-ass. I write a blog called After I Quit my Day Job in which I chronicle my daily adventures in life, literature and the (City of Brotherly) love and when I learned that Jason was to be my blog swap partner, my first thought was: Me? Kicking ass? I don’t think so…
This is perhaps because during the school year, I spend the majority of my time trying to prevent the kicking of asses; I teach creative movement for a non-profit, arts-integrated Headstart preschool program in North Philly so if any asses are inadvertently kicked in my dance studio, I need to fill out an incident report form and I really hate those things.
Nonetheless, if you were to take a look at my passport and the various student visas contained therein, it would appear that I am indeed “driven, ambitious and intelligent.” And if I were to show you my spreadsheet, you’d realize that I’m nothing if not goal-oriented.
But wait—you don’t know about my spreadsheet, do you? Of course not. Allow me to explain:
When I turned 25, I decided to celebrate my birthday (and imminent spinsterhood) with a three-month subscription to Match.com. Having completed my graduate work in anthropology, I decided it might be fun to try a little “experiment,” in which I’d attempt to date 30 men in 90 days. You can read about my first date (and each of the subsequent 60-something encounters) here but for today’s purposes, you simply need to know that I had just returned to the US after nearly a year and a half in London. I hated my job, hated my new address and essentially hated everything this side of the Atlantic so obviously this was the optimal time to go seeking a new relationship.
I uploaded my profile to Match.com and before I knew it, I’d scheduled five first dates in as many days. Eventually I landed a bi-weekly column in which I was actually paid to write about dating (which led to many a sticky situation so far as men in question were concerned) and resorted to tracking my love life in an Excel spreadsheet.
And here we stumble upon my own personal contribution to the art of ass-kicking: I may not know a thing about internet startups or running marathons or financial success (I have an MA in Dance Anthropology for crying out loud!) but I do know how to cultivate the sort of dating life most single folk my age only dream of, complete with killer stilettos, fancy dinners and romantic weekend getaways.
(My sincerest apologies to those readers who don’t fit this demographic… I realize that not everyone out there wants to be Carrie Bradshaw).
You just need to visualize the life you want—right down to the high heels and designer handbags or whatever it is that strikes your fancy—and then you need to start living that life. Now.
(Note: it helps if you don’t actually care about designer labels and aren’t afraid to rock your bargain basement purchases with pride.)
In dating, of course, there’s a fine line between kicking ass and kissing ass. Admittedly, I did quite a bit of the latter (“Ooooh, you’re a podiatrist? That is sooooo interesting”) in order to succeed at the former but I consider it a small price to pay. I went from being a shy, lonely, singleton to dating would-be sugar daddies, debating politics over port and scheduling double headers (ie. two dates in the same day). I wanted to date 30 men and I did, even if it took an entire year for me to reach my goal.
Did I meet the man of my dreams? Well, the jury’s still out on that one (you can read about my latest adventures in “m”anthropology here) but I now encourage all of my friends to give online dating a try. Obviously, “goal-oriented” dating isn’t the best way to find true love—I’ll probably have to burn my spreadsheet someday— but there’s nothing like subjecting yourself to three dozen meals with total strangers to get over your first date jitters. After all, practice makes perfect in all aspects of life: professional and personal.
If you’d like to read more, head on over to After I Quit My Day Job. Thanks for reading! And thanks for having me, Jason.